NEXT TIME WE ROB A BANK TOGETHER

C’mon, Jerry. You can’t do that with a baby.

Baby? Whadya mean, Thelma? Tad’s a fifty-four-year-old grown-ass man.

Well. I’ll always think of him as my little baby-poo.

I thought I was your baby-poo.

You’re—sorry, Jerry. You’re not my baby. You’re just my poo.

Am I now?

Sometimes, I mean.

Hell then, sometimes—sometimes Tad’s my little poo.

I can see that.

Oh-ho… You don’t see the half of it.

I’ve seen enough, let me tell you.

Ok, then. Whadya see?

I see Tad’s perky fifty-four-year-old grown-ass man-tits is what I see.

Really? Ass-tits?

Grown-ass man-tits.

Why yes, he is an ass man.

Tits, Jerry. Perky tits.

I didn’t think you could see that much with your mask on.

This isn’t a mask, Jerry.

No?

Nope. Look—do you believe me now?

I dunno. Like, I mean, what’s that? And those? And—?

Those are wrinkles, Jerry. And those are crow’s feet. And jowls.

Huh. I thought it was your sexy mask.

I never wear my sexy mask around you.

Yeah, you done did so, Thelma. I knows it.

Nope.

Uh-huh.

Nope.

Uh-huh.

No, Jerry.

Remember that time we robbed a bank together? Member that?

My nylons?

Exactly! Your sexy mask.

Jerry, I think Tad’s chowing down on your macaroni casserole.

I, uh. I gave that to him. Cause he’s my poo.

Right. I can smell his soiled diaper from here.

Maybe Tad’s into that. And, and me too. Whadda you know?

I know enough to know there’re some things I’m not interested in knowing anything more about.

Just look at my little Taddie-poo splashin’ around in that kiddie pool, would j’ya!

I’d rather not.

No?

Though I hasten to inform you that Tad just dunked his whole macaroni casserole into the water.

Darnation that’s just the way we like it, Tad and me. Obvi’. Soggy and marinated. Magnifique!

Sure then. Cool beans. Whatev’.

You’re welcome to join us, y’know. Nuff to go around for all comers.

Hard pass.

Suit yourself…. Cuz, now. I’m, um… I’m gonna go.

Ok.

I’m going, Thelma.

Go ahead, Jerry.

This conversation’s over. You’re not my poo. You’re not nobody’s poo!

Why would I want to be somebody’s poo?

I’m not talking to you. I’m simply not talking to you, ok? I’m not even talking right now.

Sure.

When I get some macaroni casserole, I’m not gonna give you none, neither. How bout dat?

Thanks, Jerry.

And next time we rob a bank together, Thelma. I’m not gonna let you give me no money. Hear?

Riiight.

Nyum-nyum-nyum…

You enjoy yourself.

I’m going to enjoy myself so hard, wooboy, you’re gonna hurt just thinking about it, Thelma!

If you’ll excuse me, I’m scheduled to do my kegels now. Um, byee!

Drats…. Welp, Tad. Make some room, buddypoo! I ever tell ya, I like your face better neked?